Oh my goodness, ya’ll, man, am I tired! Today’s subject is communication, or the lack of it, in a neurodivergent marriage. My husband and I had a challenging day ahead of us as we were taking our grandson to Camp Bluey at a massive downtown shopping mall. He has sensory issues, and taking him anywhere is always a bit of a crap shoot. He did a great job despite the loud and chaotic event; my darling grand did very well. His grandfather and I, on the other hand, struggled. When the vent ended, we went home to decompress and then out to lunch. I made a mistake while ordering, and we were missing one beverage. I gave mine to my mother, and it confounded my husband. After all, I got a combo meal, which always comes with a drink. I was trying to downplay the whole thing, but he could not let it go. He could not let it go. Long story short, I snapped at him and told him to shut up. Yes, I rightly felt like crap, but I was so frustrated., but I hurt his feelings.
I love this quote: “We don’t see the world the way it is…we see the world the way we are” because it describes the nature of the communication divide we are living in. The neurodiverse and neurotypical pairing exists on this communication spectrum, and I have experienced each scenario; I bet you have, too. Please read and drop a comment for me if any of this resonates with you. Please feel free to tell me your story.
- Logical vs. Emotional: All I want is a hug and a smidge of affirmation, and I get a lecture on both sides of the issue. It might be helpful down the road, but dude, please read the room and hug me.
- Concrete vs. Abstract: I am talking in an abstract, which is a conversational style, and he is disinterested because he prefers things to be concrete.
- Absolutist vs. Relative: I have no example here, but I definitely am the more relativist in the marriage. I love the gray area, and my husband prefers black and white.
- Avoidant vs. Insistent: If I have a to-do list, it haunts me interminably; on the other hand, my husband is very comfortable putting things in mental boxes and leaving them there, which drives me crazy!
Take some time to think about these communication patterns. Are any of them getting in the way of feeling good in your relationship? I would love to read your thoughts in the comments.
Let’s talk… See you next week.
All My Best,
Cindy